Posted by embe86 on Thursday, September 1, 2011
It’s 1pm. Isn’t it? Surely it’s not 1am? It’s sunny outside. Ok. So it’s afternoon. Am I awake? Is the baby awake? Is she crying? She just ate. She has her pacifier. Why is she crying? Am I crying? Oh god, I’m crying. What should I do? There’s no pacifier for me. I’ve just eaten too. Why am I crying? Oh. Right. I haven’t slept in… let me see… a month and three weeks. In the middle of the night I realize I’m covered in sweat and have to change my pajamas. I burst into tears while watching Friends. A sitcom. I’m a pile of limbs and defunct braincells.
I sit on the couch. My blank gaze travels to a shelf of CD’s. A particular disc shines a heavenly light. I hear an angel choir singing “hallelujah” as I reach out my hand and grab the album. I read the title. “The other side of down.” The other side of down? Is there one? I barely remember such a time. A time when I didn’t yearn sleep like a chained dog craves to be set free.
I put the record into the player. As I press “play”, I don’t yet know how much power such a small movement of a finger can have. Suddenly a smooth sound caresses my head in long, soothing strokes. Entwined in simple guitar melodies a voice announces “I could give up”. I could, couldn’t I? But then a very determined chorus starts chanting “I put one foot in front of the other…. I’ll keep climbing, gonna keep fighting”, like one of those self-help tapes. The baby is quiet, but her eyes are open. She’s listening to something familiar, though she cannot yet put her finger on where she knows that voice from. And I realize I’m still crying, but I’m not sad. I’ve found my pacifier.
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Posted in David Archuleta, The Voice, Transformation | Tagged: A new mom finds the other side of down, David Archuleta, Love at home, The Pacifier | 137 Comments »
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