On Things Lost and Found
Posted by Abrra on Saturday, June 12, 2010
For whatsoever from one place doth fall,
Is with the tide unto another brought:
For there is nothing lost, that may be found, if sought.
–Edmund Spenser, V. II. xxxix. 4-8 The Faerie Queene
“Sometimes I wonder what I lose with growing up,
And sometimes the notes are sad —
Maybe, if I sat further from the percussion section
I could hear the notes more clearly
And the melody would have more meaning.
And if I got close to the conductor,
The whole symphony could flow through me
And wash me free of fear –
Through love of life!
Sometimes I wonder what I lose with growing up.”
Life can sometimes seem ‘less than’ or ‘more than’ or ‘different than’ what we had thought it would be. It can just pile up and over the bright thing that made it seem worthwhile and wonderful and immediately precious when we were young.
I wrote the above poem when I was twenty-one. I began to realize that I could lose touch with that which made my inner life worthwhile, those visions that seemed to resonate with my truest self.
In the last two years I have learned something new. Another person, totally unknown to me, can, with no volition on my part, turn on the switch that lights up that inner world and show it to me again in all its peace, purity and wonder: David Archuleta.
David, keep singing and remind me once again that there is that other place, the one I know of and trust in and anchor myself to. … I am continually surprised that you can access with sound what comes to me in silence. … Smiting my momentary forgetfulness with joy.
Remind me of the amazing feeling that you first generated in me and what a shock of surprise it was. I think some of what caused that complete and utter defenselessness, that piercing joy, was the sense of knowing, the recognition, the realization for me that there really was a “Black Stallion”, a “Wizard in the land of Oz” and magic kingdoms; the Bishop really existed and so did his silver candlesticks; Jean Val Jean rests in the arms of angels.
David sings to my deepest joys. His joy knows mine. He is able to look me in the eye and assure me of the verity of my truest dreams, the reality of my hearts wonder.
So…. the only conclusion I can come to after all is this:
I haven’t lost it.